Personal Health

Advent, Advent, the mother runs

November is the month in the middle-aged women in super markets of the so-called crotchety goods around, your lunch break in A Euro shop and spend in the Elevator, and secret sources of supply for sugar-free tongue tattoos replace. Concerned know what they are talking about: The 30. November, the advent calendar must be for the kids.

Thanks Greta, you buy this year, especially reluctant to sense-free plastic parts to get which the requirements of the task, 24, or 48, or even 72 well-thought-out small particles even further increased. In most families, there are mothers that take care of it, because often they are already planning the next month and the preferences and possessions of your children.

Mummy with magic powers

Anyway, you seem to possess supernatural powers. You can tell from the office, whether bread at home, you know where the Scotch Tape is, although you fill the washing machine, and have all the dentist appointments, not only in the head, but also so that they collide neither with the Judo Training with the parent-teacher conference. You know why men women formerly accused of witchcraft.

However, the absurd highlight of the family organization is still before the run-up to Christmas. Ironically, the weeks, the dubbed as the most wonderful time of the year, bring mothers to the limits of their skills. In the pig gallop, and with a daily-increasing To-do-is list rush you through your few free hours. An advent wreath is a must – self-made or bought? First gift requests from grandma’s and grandpa’s for a spin. Of course, you end up with the mother. And the old folks are helpless: Where do you get that? Can’t you get the same?

In the Background of the difficult question of which spent the Christmas holiday at who is lurking and what and when we eat? (Shopping list!). Oops, Nikolaus Gifts! To have the postman a little something for Christmas, or would it be more honest, the package offered something to blame? And for which I have registered myself again on the list of school Christmas party?

Of project managers and aid workers

There is no woman who has applied ever officially this project Manager Post, or at least a conscious decision. Always trying to find a biological rationale for this phenomenon: there Is a special Talent that has already been developed in the stone age when the Hats of the cave? The brain are interconnected halves of women, perhaps even better, you can solve several problems at the same time?

Evil tongues say that especially men are searching for such explanations, to avoid these tasks. But it’s not so simple: “We help a lot!” say, young fathers today, and most of them are right. You see them shopping or to the day-care acclimatisation, at baby swimming or buns lubricate in the school. You know that you are doing in comparison with their fathers much more, and therefore they often do not understand why your partner overwhelmed inside and burned out feel.

Why is it, then, that the number of mothers increases, the suffer from Burn-out, anxiety and insomnia? The double burden of family and profession is a cause. It is not sufficient as the sole justification, as long as the tackles are also working partners with. The Problem sits deeper, it is in the basic understanding of the man who sees it as his task to the partner as a “helper” to the side.

“You should have said something!”

“Implies of help that Helping is doing more than he should, while the responsible part remains behind expectations,” explains the journalist, Gemma Hartley, in her book, “It is enough”. The mother of three children, has worked intensively with the so-called “Mental Load”, so the cognitive load apart, the mothers continuously drag.

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The French Illustrator Emma has initiated the discussion of this term with your Comic “You should’ve asked”. A woman will take care of everything at the same time and eventually breaks, exhausted. The Partner says, startled: “You’d just have to ask! Then I would have helped you.”

A woman you do not need to explain the term “Mental Load” for a long time: It is what you do all day – but what no one sees. And if you will not accept it, it makes none.

Practically, this means: It is the woman who writes shopping lists (and thus sent), it knows Only the dress size of the child and for the lack of spare clothes for the nursery (and she him). It is an unsolicited recorded in parent-WhatsApp-groups (while he has not saved once the number of the babysitter), and when it is registered at the parents ‘ evening for the waffle to bake during the school festival, she plans at the same time, what night, all the ingredients must shop in which vessel transports the sticky stuff is accident-free and wondered whether one of the children suffers from a gluten intolerance. The men ratio at parents ‘ evenings need not be mentioned at this point, the mothers you know.

Even Marie Kondo has Hunger

Each of your tasks, pulls out a rat tail of additional thoughts and resultant actions, and all the while murmurs in the Background is a powerful Mantra in a loop: “What are we eating tonight? What we have in the fridge? That’s enough for Lunches tomorrow?”

Not the execution of individual things is the main problem, but the lasting is To take Care of Yourself-the-all-thinking, and the incessant Pondering about whether it is the appropriate solution, all goes well.

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Since mothers are stuck in this Dilemma, search continuously for solutions, test them on family planning-Apps, print Pinterest-cleaning schedules and wish secretly that Marie Kondo is feeding into your wardrobe. But nothing can remedy the situation, because Apps need to be fed and cleaning lists processed, and also Marie Kondo has probably occasionally Hunger.

Christmas period: training ground for the restart

The Only thing that can help women in this for you normal madness, is an equal partnership, in which men, not as a laborer understand, but as a partaker. This also means, however, that women are willing to give up control of your ideas to depart: Not equal are the symptoms of scurvy googling, if the father smears on three consecutive days of jam sandwiches for Breakfast; able to bear it, if the homework mountain is only done Sunday evening – provided the Partner is taking care of really drum. And don’t trail behind when you realize that he has forgotten the towels for the Swimming-to-home – next Time he will think about it.

The easiest way is probably all part of outsourcing areas, and to the other his experiences in peace making. Also, mothers are not role in your Planning only grown, perhaps all of one day runs to the other like greased lightning, and perhaps some of it is made suddenly quite different, but it’s not automatically worse.

We make use of the run-up to Christmas as the perfect training ground: Finally, the new, equal the managing Director of the family company is entitled to act independently. How about as the beginning, with a fair sharing of the advent calendar work? Everyone worried this year, a dozen little things per child, but, by itself, without any Delegation, or even shopping list from the female part of the Board. Just do it, there are still just under two weeks time. And the advent calendar this year for all those Involved to be more exciting than ever before.

Readers appeal: do you Know the Problem that Mrs grid, plans and organizes, and man is waiting for instructions? How do you in your partnership with the division of tasks? Do you have any tips and Tricks? Then write to us at: [email protected]

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